WHEN CHILDREN SPEAK NO ONE LISTENS

Today’s Indians are more aware than ever of thetragedy of child abuse: our national and local media carry daily reports of children who have been beaten, imprisoned, starved, burned or sexually and emotionally abused. Shopping carts, milk cartons, billboards, newspapers all carry the message that children should tell if they are being hurt and that to prevent abuse, just call a hotline and help will arrive.
However, we are slowly awakening to the fact that, even if suspected abuse is reported, this does not always result in safeguarding the child from further abuse. In fact, some of the worst cases are those where authorities were notified of abuse and had determined that the child was at risk, but nevertheless left the child in the care of the abuser. We are also learning that not only the woman who flees domestic violence is at risk from further violence, but that her children are often the innocent witnesses to her being battered or additional victims.
And in far too many cases, the batterer has not only revenges himself on his former partner, but hurts or kills the children as well.
But there is an aspect to this violence in the family which so far has escaped the public’s attention: the granting of sole custody or unsupervised access to the batterer or child abuser.
According to Fr. John Dharman sdb, the director of Anbu Illam, Coimbatore, "One of the most common reasons given for resuming an abusive relationship is the fear that the abuser will act on the threats of taking the children from the victim.
Studies show that batterers have been able to convince authorities that the victim is unfit or undeserving of sole custody in approximately 70% of challenged cases."
The idea that batterers and child abusers are awarded sole custody even when there has been a domestic violence conviction or reliable evidence of sexual abuse may seem so bizarre as to be unbelievable to most Indians. Even those who have experienced this admit that they never would have believed it possible until it happened to them. They thought that if their child made an outcry, help would be there for them.
They thought that judges would look at a history of domestic violence, weigh the medical evidence, listen to the words of their children, and choose to protect the child. Instead, juvenile courts frequently minimize the harmful impact of children’s witnessing violence between their parents and sometimes are reluctant to believe mothers.
Some professionals assume that accusations of physical or sexual abuse of children that arise during divorce or custody disputes are likely to be false, but the empirical research to date shows no such increase in false reporting at that time. In many cases people think that children are frightened about being alone with a father they have seen use violence towards their mother or a father who has abused them.
Instead the recent government study shows that the children accused mothers more than the fathers of abuse. Many children even express their hatred for their mothers who abuse them, but their voices are ignored.
Parents do not give a consideration when children report abuse which their children have disclosed at the hands of the family friends. These parents are at times more interested in protecting their family friends than safeguarding their children. Such cases underscore the importance of having the best interest of the child at heart, and that the protection of the child should be the goal of our child protection system. It goes without saying that each case must be judged on its own merits.
As far as we know, no one has addressed the long term effects of this betrayal upon children who told about being abused but were silenced or ignored by the judicial system and given into the hands of those who had abused and violated them. Many instances go untold and undisclosed due to the fear many of our children have on the parents or friends who visit the family. The children need to have the secure feeling before they divulge.
A family that sits together, plays together, shares together might be a right place for children to share the abuse they underwent. Creating such environment is the utmost duty of the parents, teachers and elders.